Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
