Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
