I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
