I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
