I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
