Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
