Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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