If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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