I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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