we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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