I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
