i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
