Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
not ubering you a puppy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
