Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
