i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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