where am i from again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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