Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
