Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
