Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i think i just lost a toe
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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