im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
