Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You left your phone here
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