Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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