I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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