Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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