your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
