yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
