Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize