"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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