Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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