so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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