Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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