Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
