I've blown a few things in my day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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