She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
