I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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