your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
