You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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