I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
