No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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