I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
