I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
