wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize