I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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