he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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