awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When did angry sex become our thing?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
