You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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