I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
