sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
