she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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