I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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