i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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