We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
