I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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