i already hear my dad disowning me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
