I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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