hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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