You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
