barbara walters just said penis...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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