I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
