good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what day is it and did you see me today?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
