i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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