we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize