You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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