He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
