We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
