how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
