I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
