It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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