just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My penis needs a shock collar
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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