I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
