she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
