i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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