You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
