I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
