I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
