I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
