A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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