conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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