and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
