This house was built for laser tag.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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