If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
