I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
