He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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