rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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