I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
