just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
